crisisrain | ♐ 009 // [Voice]

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♐ 009 // [Voice]

[She was gone... He knew it would come to this one day; after all, this is how things were supposed to be. Instead, he felt sick, angry, and it hurt so much more than he thought it would. More than anything however, he was confused. What was he supposed to do now? Just continue on as if nothing happened? He couldn't forget her, he had promised hwe that. But losing her yet again was just heart-breaking.

He sat there on the edge of his bed, journal in hand. What do you say at times like this? He didn't want sympathy, he didn't want anyone to know he hurt. When it came to emotions he liked to keep them strictly to himself. So he laughed. It wasn't a happy laugh, more of a desperate one with no punchline to the joke. He didn't care either. When he stopped he opened the journal.]

[The following is directed to house 12 more than anything.]

I'm gonna need some time to myself for a while, so I'm leavin' the house. I'll be back soon though, take care of the garden for me.

[Filtered to Buffy | Unhackable]

I was ignorant, sorry.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

...For what? For what before?

[ a little lost. ]

Ah! Oh. [Oh yeah, she's not psychic.]

For when Jack got sent home. I just tried ta make you feel better, without really understandin'.

It's...[ she stammers, caught off guard. ] It's okay.

Just -- this? Kinda out of the blue.

I know it is, but I wanted to apologize anyway. [He doesn't really want to explain the reasons...]

How are things since Jack came back?

...Complicated.

[ she sounds a little distracted as she answers. something tells her this isn't just about the apology. ] But that's about par for the world's most complicated golf course.

He does remember though, doesn't he? [He seemed to remember Raven when they spoke.] So it can't be that hard, can it?

He remembers. And that's a mercy.

But there are other things that are complicated and...well? I should just stop expecting it to be easy.

Does he still feel the same way about you?

He does. He really does. He lived another two years back home, Raven. When he came back? He came back with two whole years of missing me that hit him all at once.

How can I match that? [ she's only just now warming up to the concept of loving him. ]

[Two years... Raven waited ten to see her again. Is this how she felt when he told her the truth? Is this what went through her mind as well? He didn't know, and he didn't know what to say or think.]

You don't have to match those years. You just have to keep being who you are, and feeling the same way you do.

...Sometimes you sound like a greeting card, Raven.

[ a beat. ] I don't mean that like a bad thing.

I was never any good at emotional things, mainly because I don't like talkin' about my own. You women are complicated.

Everyone's complicated. The plumbing's got nothing to do with it. We womenfolk are just more honest about how complicated we are and don't try and hide it under a whole extra mess of pretending not to be complicated.

You're jokin', right? I'm the most complicated man you'll ever meet! I never said I pretend not ta be.

...You change stories faster than I change outfits. Fact.

I know... I'm useless, can't believe a word I say for any good reason. [he pauses.]

Hidin' the things that hurt is much easier than admitting they exist.

[ buffy plucks her words rather carefully out of all the things she could say. ]

...You're right. It's way, way easier. At first.

Hm...? At first?

[EMOTIONS? WHAT ARE THOSE?]

The badness has a way of bubbling up to the surface and letting everyone know about it -- all on its own. Accidentally.

[That's something he knows oh so well... he's good at hiding things, but even he can crack at times.]

Yeah, that's why I'm goin' off on my own for a little while. I like bein' able to deal with my stuff alone. Worryin' others isn't on my list of things to do in life.

Sometimes you can work so hard at not worrying others that it makes them worry even more. [ story of her life. and death. and re-life. ]

We could spend a little time together before you went off on your own. If you wanted. No pressure -- no obligation to say yes.

[ aha. this just about clues her in to what must have taken place. this plus his earlier conversation opener. ]

[He laughs a little. People worrying about him? Naaaah, nobody cares about this old fart.]

Is that your way of saying "hey old man, make me some of those lovely crepes again~"?

...Would it help?

Maybe! But uh... our house is a little trashed right now thanks to a certain mage who's got a habit of casting spells in her sleep...

Come over to seven. Double the fun for the same price. My company and a relatively quiet space.

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[ filtered ] /KAZZI/! xD

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