❖ 011 // [Action] Filtered to Alexei

[crisisrain]

[OOC: Sorry folks, no Raven love for you on Valentines day. Cept you Lexy ffff bad timing.]

[There's a banging on the door of room 14 in Community Building 5. Following the events of his kidnapping return, and the meeting yesterday afternoon, Raven and Alexei have finally decided to talk it all out. Or beat it out of each other; it really depends on how these guys decide to settle their differences. To make matters worse, Raven has left his journal back at house 12 without telling anyone where he was going.]

Comments

[fallenambitions]

...

An apology.

[crisisrain]

[He didn't expect to hear that.]

Yer pullin' my leg, right?

[fallenambitions]

No, I'm not.

[crisisrain]

[Raven feels a pain his chest hearing that.]

I wish you were.

[fallenambitions]

...It's too late for apologies anyway. Nothing I say or do will ever make up for all the terrible things I've done. If this is to be my punishment for all my crimes, to have it weigh down on me, so be it.

[crisisrain]

See! Sayin' things like that is doin' nothing but guilt trip me! Why can't I just hate ya like everyone else does, why do I feel sorry fer you?!

[fallenambitions]

[He had to laugh a little at that, as he presses a hand to his forehead] I'm just being honest. You know I deserve what was coming to me after everything...it was too late for me.

[crisisrain]

You were supposed ta be the smart guy, how could you not figure out what you were doin' was wrong?

[fallenambitions]

Intelligence can still blind you from the truth. After the war, I saw the state of the world was far worst then I imagine. I could not wait for a miracle to appear, something needed to be done. I was so sure of what I was doing, I saw no other solution.

[crisisrain]

Blind is an understatement. It was yer job to bring peace to the world, peace ain't caused by destruction. Are you stupid or somethin'? After all the lives lost in that war... common sense isn't a difficult thing to obtain, ya should try usin' it sometime.

[fallenambitions]

The job of bringing peace, a job that only I could do and became my obsession. I would do anything to obtain it. Even if I had to pull a few strings, I would tell myself it was for the cause and somewhere along the way, it all just became a blur to me.

[crisisrain]

[Raven sits down on the other end of the bed. I ain't standing all day D<. Deep in thought for a moment.]

Bit selfish of ya, don't you think?

[fallenambitions]

A bit. No one else came close to my ambitions. Too many were concern for their own hides to care. I grew tired of it.

[crisisrain]

Of course people wanted peace, even more than you think ya did. They just knew betters ways of goin' about it.

[fallenambitions]

...Yes, perhaps there was, but I had already turned a blind eye, once I knew what I wanted.

[crisisrain]

Maybe I should've tried standin' up fer myself, instead of just followin' ya around like a puppet. It's not like ya would've listened ta me anyway, but I feel bad fer not tryin'.

[fallenambitions]

...I'm listening to to you now, aren't I? [He stands, wandering over to the window]

It's too late to change the past now, but I still have a future. I'll take a new path, that isn't so twisted as I've made it. And I'll need someone to make sure I won't lose my way again.

[crisisrain]

I wasn't talkin' about now! I was talkin' about before.

Ya don't have a future Alexei, you could be sent home any second and when ya do, yer gonna die. Squish, flat, dead.

[fallenambitions]

Until that time, I am still alive here, in this place. I might as well use this time I have to do something productive, rather then just dying as a complete fool.

[crisisrain]

You'll always die a fool, no matter how much ya try to redeem yourself.

And what exactly do ya mean by "productive". Hearin' you say that is never a good thing.

[fallenambitions]

Are you saying protecting the people is not a good thing then?

[crisisrain]

I'm sayin' no matter how many good deeds ya chose to do, you'll always be the bad guy.

[fallenambitions]

[...] I'm not going to let that pull me down. [He glances at the window.] I don't want anyone to see that side I had hated.

[crisisrain]

I didn't quite catch that Lexy, my hearin' aint too good.

[fallenambitions]

What I had become, the one thing I had despise from others and tried to raise above from, I don't ever want to return to that.